A phone call that saved my life

Each time I hear of someone committing suicide for any reason, my mind always rushed to condemning them and label the person as weak minded, in human and/or even someone who has no brains at all.

On that Saturday 16^th February, there was no option left for me on the table but consider suicide as the only brave way a broken heart could find solace in.

Reported for duty that morning, with so much grief and pain that conquered my heart. Trying to concentrate on the job, my head kept on skipping the main purpose why I was at the office?  Most of my time was occupied with all sorts of sweet evil thoughts. Thought of resigning from my work but what I was going to do after that, sent shivers of fear to my brain.

Just at the thought of losing her, my mind got whispers so loud such that even how tight I closed my ears with my palms, I could still hear them. How could life be without her? NO - this can't be .... with tears rolling my cheeks.

Knocked off at 12:45 pm. All this time, I had someone speaking to me. I call him - the Unseen and Silent companion. He kept on firing questions at me. And the more this happened, the more confused I was. Finally, he convinced me to go via the Blantyre market as I was heading home. I branched off to the market, went past the benches without spotting what exactly I wanted to get from there. From far, I saw a bench selling exactly what I was looking for -  The Tamek - With a faint voice, I asked the seller how much they were fetching, K30, K50, K100 and K300. The hundred Kwacha one will do, I thought to myself. Bought one and headed home.

Went strait to the bedroom and laid in bed. So weak and confused I started thinking of how to take it. Got it out of my pocket, looked at it and then put it on the bed. Knelt beside my bed and prayed to God for forgivenes. One thing was not done, I remembered I had not written a note. Not wanting to put in trouble the young boy that I am staying with. Went to the sitting room to fetch for a piece of paper to scribble something. 

Sat down on the carpet so weak and very sick inside, I was going to do this one thing just because of love. It is love that has made me go through this, it is love that has made me lose weight on just few days. It was my own love that made me think evil and feel crushed inside.

Phone rings - fish it out of my pocket, who is calling me at this time? Tau... as the number registered.... "Bho bho, mulipo? Just wanted to say hie am getting back in church..... Pweeeeeuuuuuu!! It was this phone call that changed my thinking. ".....What if she still cares so much that she still want to have me? What if she also breaks so much after I do this? Why did she call at this time?" That phone call, saved my life. My mind changed and started thinking positively. 

Thanks for calling me on that second. Eish Lord have mercy on me. God know knows how much I love this girl.